Enjoy Flowery Combat

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You are attracted to reciprocal sexual energy.

You hopefully love your friends and family as well as your lover. Your intimate relationship is unique not because of love, but due to masculine-feminine attraction.

Every man and woman embodies both masculine and feminine energies, although each person’s proportion is unique. This proportion determines your unique sexual gifts. It also influences whom you will find sexually attractive and who will be attracted to you.

If you had to choose, would you rather have sex with someone who is radiantly alive, fresh and juicy, longing to surrender to your loving—or with someone of deep integrity who sees through to your heart and wants to take you with confidence, passion, and total presence?

If you have a more masculine sexual essence, then you will be attracted to a more feminine lover. The feminine is light, which feels as love and shines as all life. A feminine lover will be radiant, full of life-energy, yearning to open as love and receive your deep love. A feminine lover’s smile can light up your life and inspire your heart.

A feminine lover will also say one thing while meaning another and change mind and mood like the weather. Like Mother Nature herself, the feminine force is powerful, fluid, and unpredictable; it doesn’t flow along the neat lines of reason and accountability. Most women and some men have a more feminine sexual essence.

If your sexual essence is more feminine, then you will be attracted to a more masculine lover. The masculine is consciousness, which is embodied as deep and pervading presence. A masculine lover will be capable of taking you and ravishing you with loving intensity and depth. A masculine lover can open you wide and expose the heart of a moment with humor.

A masculine lover will also be emotionally narrow, relatively unaware of your feelings, and much more dedicated to a sense of life-mission than to intimacy with you. The masculine cares more about where it is going than who it is going with. Most men and some women have a more masculine sexual essence.

The sexual essence of a few men and women is exactly balanced in its proportion of masculine and feminine (although many people mistakenly believe they have a balanced sexual essence because they have accumulated shallow habits of sexual suppression). If your deep sexual essence is truly balanced, you will be most attracted to a lover who is your same size and strength—you will have very little desire to be taken passionately by a masculine lover, very little desire to take your feminine lover suddenly and aggressively.

If, however, you are like most people, heterosexual and homosexual, then you do not have a balanced sexual essence. Although everyone has some masculine and feminine characteristics—especially on the surface—deep down, in the heart of your secret sexual desires, your sexual essence is probably quite noticeably more masculine or more feminine. Deep down, you probably desire to ravish or be ravished sexually, whether or not you have the opportunity to enjoy this depth of loveplay in your life.

Because masculine and feminine attract each other like magnets, you will attract a lover who’s essence is your reciprocal, a lover who, deep down, wants to take what you enjoy giving, who wants to give what you enjoy taking. But on the surface, your differences may drive you crazy.

Herein lies the delicious torture, the “flowery combat” of intimacy—the lover who really turns you on deep in your sexual heart will also really frustrate you in more superficial moments. If you have a feminine essence, then your masculine lover’s deep confidence and integrity will turn you on, except when bulldozing your feelings and nit-picking the content of everything you say in a moment of conflict. If you have a masculine essence, then your feminine lover’s spontaneous laughter and fluid sexual responsiveness will turn you on, except during times of whacko hysteria and unpredictable shutdowns.

In moments of deep communion, the masculine and feminine open as a singular gift—two facets of one jewel. But in more shallow moments, their surface differences can clash. When trying to communicate something verbally, for instance, the masculine wants to understand the problem and get to the point, hoping that a conversation will traverse a relatively straight path from point A to point B to point C to conclude with a solution or mutually agreed-upon resolution. The feminine enjoys talking like dancing, as a way to connect in feeling, as a way to swim together and enjoy the currents of shared energy.

In most couples, the more masculine partner gets frustrated by the feminine’s loopy style of talking on and on toward nowhere in particular, while the more feminine partner is frustrated by the masculine’s rigid aim and know-it-all grid of the Way Reality Is.

How can you open and love through sexual differences as doorways into deeper unity? How can moments of frustration be opened to reveal the deeper gifts? First, take an inventory of your sexual style: Do you often compromise your deepest heart-desire for the sake of surface harmony and equality? Giving your lover the space to say whatever they want, in whatever way they want to say it, is a useful therapeutic exercise when practiced occasionally. It can lead to mutual understanding and feelings of being supported. But it stops short of the heart-surrendered ravishment that lies at the deep core of most intimate desire.

When equality is no longer in question, when you feel understood and supported, it is time to go deeper. There you will find the heart to the art of sexual gifting.

At your depth, you will discover a singular desire to be wide open as love, free as unbound consciousness, fearlessly alive as spontaneous gifting. Instead of compromising to satisfy your more superficial needs, you can practice to open deeply heart-one with your lover, fully alive and unbound as the moment’s open display of light.

If your feminine lover is blabbing on about nothing in particular, offer your deep and unrelenting presence. Without turning away or numbing out, penetrate your feminine lover’s heart with the gift of your absolute presence. Breathe, move, and gaze eye to eye as if this were your last moment alive together.

If your masculine lover has reduced life to problems, solutions, and projects, overwhelm your lover with your feminine force. Like a monsoon, like an ocean of wet light, drench your lover’s body in delight; soak your lover in love’s deep—and unescapable—waters.

Deep intimacy is based not on getting what you want nor on compromising equitably, but on giving the deepest gifts of your sexual essence. Notice your superficial masculine need to solve a problem or your superficial feminine need to connect with your partner emotionally, and instead, offer your deepest heart and open completely as the entire moment.

As the masculine partner, give your deep and undistracted consciousness as a gift, pervading your lover wide open. As the feminine partner, show your whole body alive as love’s offering, inviting your lover wide open. Offer your deep sexual gifts through confession, heart-to-heart, loin-to-loin, eye-to-eye. In deep embrace and with a smile of gratitude:

He: “I am consciousness, and you are mine, my bright bitch.”

She: “I am light. Take me…if you dare!”

As you and your lover merge wide open, enjoy the truth of your seeming play: Presence loves radiance, radiance loves presence. Showing as feminine light and attending as masculine consciousness, every moment relaxes open as one conscious light. As lovers, play your apparent differences with humor, opening as one, loving as two.

Blue Truth by David Deida

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