Before I understood how to open with you, I tried giving you orgasms so I knew I was a good lover. But now, all I want is your surrender. I want your heart’s pleasure to ripple through your open body and saturate my life with your love. Your body’s openness to love’s flow draws me into you, and through your heart’s surrender I am opened to the love that lives as the universe. Whether you have an orgasm or not while we make love, your body’s trust and devotional openness is my secret doorway to love’s deepest bliss.
Your body’s openness—your capacity to surrender open with your whole body so your heart can be ravished and taken by love—is a doorway to ecstatic spiritual depth, with or without a man. If your body can’t open, your heart can’t shine. When your body is surrendering open with pleasure from deep within, then you can open and offer your heart fully from the inside out.
Orgasm is one form of sexual pleasure. You may never have had what you call an orgasm, or you may have had many. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that your body can open in love’s blissful surrender. If your pelvis is locked and your vagina is closed down or numb, then your heart is prevented from offering love fully through your body.
Opening through orgasmic surrender, alone or with a lover, can provide a unique opportunity to offer your deepest love and uninhibited yearning through your fully expressed body.
You may or may not have a man in your life, but for now, imagine that you are in bed with your lover. He strokes your belly and caresses your breasts. He touches you gently inside your thighs, trailing his fingertips from knee to crotch. Fondling, touching, loving, he eventually kisses you between your legs. With sensitivity and skill, he licks, nibbles, and sucks your most sensitive flesh, while also touching your feet and legs and belly and breasts with his hands.
Your breath becomes shorter and faster. Your eyes close. You grab his hair and push his face tightly against you. Breathing rapidly, an orgasm seizes through your body, your voice high-pitched, shrieking, your face tense, your body tightening, and then relaxing, after one or two or three clitoral orgasms.
These are the most superficial orgasms, requiring little if any emotional or spiritual trust—a vibrator can be used to achieve this pleasure. Nevertheless, clitoral orgasms can prepare you for surrendering open more deeply.
Vaginal or G-Spot Orgasms
You have been making love for almost an hour, your lover thrusting in and out, his body pressing against yours, while kissing you, biting your neck, and pinning you beneath him with his loving strength. “Don’t stop,” you groan, as your body relaxes open. Your arms spread out from your sides, your heart opens, your mouth opens. Your moans are long and deep from your belly.
As the waves begin, your sound goes deeper. You gaze into your lover’s eyes, moist with vulnerable affection, your bodies softening into each other, your hearts melding. You take him in more deeply, opening your body to him, giving yourself to him, yielding fully. You gush between your legs, your vagina grabbing him, milking him, pulling him in more deeply.
His constant rhythmic loving sends a purr through your body like a cat vibrating. You relax more deeply open, and waves of open pleasure begin radiating from your vagina out through your whole body. Like an ocean of openness, your pleasure draws him in deeper. You offer your heart to him, unprotected. Your soft bodies press together, your hips moving in uncontrollable waves, your mouth ohh-ing in open pleasure, your body surrendering layer after layer more open than you have in a long time.
The G-Spot, an area of spongy tissue a few inches inside the anterior or front part of the vagina, is very sensitive in many women. If you are capable of experiencing G-Spot orgasms, but haven’t yet, this tissue can hold much tension, anger, and pain. This area of your vagina can be massaged according to your verbal guidance—slower, harder, softer, faster—eventually relaxing you enough to open in deep orgasmic waves, possibly even ejaculating fluids from this spongy tissue.
Your cervix is the physical source of extraordinarily deep orgasms. As with your G-Spot, your cervix may be quite sensitive and painful to the touch if you haven’t regularly allowed full pleasure to move through your cervical area. But with a few weeks of receiving massage near your cervix, this area opens. And if you have a man in your life, then when you make love, as your lover’s thrust stimulates and opens your cervical area, your emotional and spiritual surrender can lead to tremendous orgasmic revelations of love’s bliss.
After an hour of heart-connected, passionate, sexual merger, imagine that your loving together with your man continues. His entrance into your body is deep, persistent, creative, unyielding. His strong hands hold your wrists, his belly presses deeply down into yours, his gentle force enters you again and again, opening you, opening places you have never felt to open.
You feel utterly claimed, taken open to God, obliterated in his deep loving. You let go even more deeply, dying in the intensity of his loving, crying as all love bursts you open. You are killed by bliss, softly, sweetly pervaded by his tender love. Your skin dissolves. Your edges melt. And again, even deeper, you let go of something you didn’t know you were holding, a minute clench deep in your heart opens, giving open to him, to God, and your tears flow.
Forgetting beginning and end, your orgasm opens deeper and deeper. Layers of surrender are offered up through your depths, out through your body, as he penetrates you to gone. Together, you open as such deep love all disappears in the fullness of bliss, light melting all hold, love filling all space, an unbearable fullness surrendering open endlessly, boundlessly, abundantly, no place remaining unopened, untouched, unrevealed.
Your orgasm unfolds and unfolds as never before, love rippling you open, your face drenched in tears, your body in sweat, bright beyond form. You are being breathed open in blissful death, ravished open, unable to hold on, surrendered open by a force you are so deeply, the living light of love that you always almost knew now shines so fully, wracking you open in unbearable pleasure, your deepest womb grasping and letting go, seizing and releasing, the pulse of the universe opening out from deep between your legs, opening out from deep within your belly, your heart given open fully, all of you given, offered in utter devotional surrender.
For days, love’s bliss flows freely through your body. Your motions are full of grace, your face shining, smooth, and radiant with love’s flow. Your lover and your friends can feel this orgasm’s openness continuing to resound through your gestures, the way you walk, the expression in your eyes, the relaxed tone of your voice, surrendering you open for a long time after the sexual occasion has ended.
Surrendering open to the fullest flow of pleasure can be an important part of opening fully and offering your deepest love to the world and to your man if you are in a relationship. With practice and skill, solo or with a partner, your orgasmic capacity deepens along with other aspects of your capacity to offer your deepest heart. Over time, you may experience deep orgasms without any sexual stimulation at all, simply while dancing, or doing yoga, or breathing fully and offering yourself open to God to take.
Your body is built to be opened by love and to open as love’s offering. Love is who you are, and love is the gift you are born to give. With practice, you can learn to live open as devotional fullness, as if you were receiving deep sexual ravishment and offering your heart’s fullest gifts through your whole body.
How would you be breathing right now, sitting right now, moving right now, if your body were being entered by a man of enormous love and integrity, a man who felt so deeply into your heart that you were forced to reveal your most subtle closure, taking you open so exquisitely you could hardly bear to open in so much love and trust?
To live open, your body can practice feeling sexually open, whether or not you are having a physical orgasm or even having sex. Through sex and in everyday life, you can practice feeling, breathing, and offering yourself open as if the passionate force of a divine lover were entering you sexually, opening your heart and body as wide as the universe shines.Dear Lover by David Deida