Getting to Divine Love

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I Adore Her Body

I am entering her from behind. Her ass is gorgeous. I love the way her back narrows into a slender waist, and then widens out into her full hips and butt. I reach around and hold her breasts.

Suddenly I realize that I have become absorbed in her body. My attention has been reduced to the adoration of her form.

She is beautiful. Her form makes me happy. But I have forgotten the larger picture. I’ve forgotten the expanse of awareness that is the foundation of this moment. I’ve forgotten the depth of love that is the basis of our sexing. I have been reduced merely to adoring her body.

And so, without taking my attention away from her sumptuous form as we make love, I deepen it. I feel through my joy, through the space around my joy, through her body, and through the space around her body. I feel through and through the openness of love that is alive as us. I rest wide as the cognizant openness of this moment. And all the while her ass is still as beautiful.

She presses closer to me, offering herself to me for deeper penetration. The sweat from my chest runs down my belly, into the crack of her rounded butt, and then slowly, in rivulets, down the inside of her flushed thighs.

We breathe deeply, receiving the divine through every pore on the inhale, giving ourselves to the divine through every pore on the exhale. We breathe the entire moment—its colors, smells, sounds, heat, space, and boundless depth—as the moment breathes us. We sex in the open of no difference, vanished in love, making love, being made by love.

Feel What Is Always True

While having sex, be careful not to allow your attention to be narrowed for too long. It is easy to focus on a perky nipple, a luscious kiss, a sweet caress. It is easy to reduce consciousness to the mere targeting of attention. But the consciousness that is your deepest truth is much more than this.

What is true of you at heart is always true of you. The deliciousness of sex need not distract you from the depth of your being, but can provide you with a doorway to even deeper openness. Sex can loosen the blocks of energy in your body and emotions and liberate your attention from mundanities so that you are free to feel what is real and profoundly true—through and through—rather than merely focusing on one event and experience after another.

Bliss and pleasure and lips and thrust are good. But they are only fleeting wisps, as gone as all your past sex is now.

In moments of sexual intensity, practice to recognize what is always true, what is always the depth of this moment. You make love through, not merely to, your bodies. Your bodies are vehicles through which to feel and express your deepest truth, your unbounded openness, your divine nature, the love who you are.

Practice being love, using the sexual occasion to make love with love through the body—embracing, feeling into, inhaling, exhaling, penetrating, and being entered by divine love. This is an actual practice to be consciously engaged during sex, without avoiding the rainbow of fleshy pleasure that also hangs wet in the space of love. Do it nasty, do it fine, but always feel through the colors of desire and make love with love divine.

For Him

The “Oh God” of Great Sex

For many men for most of their lives, sex is their actual religion. In church, their attention is occupied not by the sermon, but by the exotic woman with nice legs two pews over. They spend more time watching women’s bodies on the street and bikinied actresses on TV than contemplating the glory of God.

At a strip joint, men may shout divine praises, “Oh God! You’re unbelievable! You’re fantastic!” And in bed, too, orgasming with their woman, “Oh God! Yes! Yes!” Yet, outside of the sexual realm, most men remain uncommitted in their praise of the divine mystery alive as all.

Blurting out divine praise during sex is not an accident. Our bodies are built so that sex stimulates our energies and opens our hearts. Our sense of aliveness is heightened, our perception of beauty and perfection is glorified. Sexual exultation is as close as most of us get to religious awe.

The Bliss of Merging

Sex is a primal possibility for experiencing the bliss we hope our lives can give us. Sex affords us with an opportunity for letting go of ourselves without reservation and merging with our woman in pleasure and love.

This feeling of two merging into one is the epitome of both sacred and secular pleasure. As babies we merged with our mother. As children we merged with our toys and friends. As teenagers we merged with our thoughts, drugs, cars, and music. As adults we merge with the slope while we ski, with the road while we drive, with our children while we hold them, with the TV while we relax, and with our job while we work. But few of us experience the intensity of pleasure and love anywhere else as consistently as we can during good sex.

Because sex and its pleasures are so intense, some people substitute the physical communion afforded by sex for divine communion. As long as genital surrender is more pleasurable than spiritual surrender, our sex lives will overshadow our spiritual lives. We will devote more energy to the superficial pleasures of sex than to the more profound blisses of spiritual communion.

Ways to Merge

You can suck your woman’s breast and feel blissful like a baby merging with his mother. This is comfortable and safe but not very deep. You can merge with your woman’s waves of orgasmic delight and feel the same kind of bliss you would while surfing the ocean or getting a great massage, but it doesn’t last too long. You can merge emotionally with your woman, relishing each other’s feelings in a kind of emotional telepathy of vulnerable sharing. The pleasure of this openness and trust can be truly sublime, but it is difficult to enjoy this merger while at the office the next day.

Merging with the divine—the mystery and depth of open being—has very little to do with infantile oneness, athletic flow, or emotional sharing. Whereas all these mergers are with a particular state of pleasure, excitement, or empathy, divine merger is not with any particular state at all, but with the deep openness of all states.

The Deepest Bliss Doesn’t Come and Go

Suppose you have sex with your woman. Your body merges with hers. Your emotions merge. You move and feel together as one. This can be extremely pleasurable, but temporary. The flow can be ruined by a bad fart or a sudden foot cramp. You can remember a phone call you were supposed to make earlier. Your woman can tell you about wrecking the car, or your children can knock on your bedroom door. Physical and emotional bliss is easily broken. Divine bliss is not.

Spiritual bliss includes and exceeds the merely sexual. If you have made use of sexual openness to help you relax as the depth of being, then bad smells and raucous children only change the landscape of experience, not the depth of bliss.

There are deep and shallow blisses. Most people settle for the shallower ones. The more shallow a bliss is, the more it can be disturbed. Playing a good game of golf or watching your angelic children sleep can be truly blissful. But this kind of bliss is totally dependent on conditions. A cold, wet, lousy game of golf is hardly blissful. A child who resists going to sleep night after night can be rather perturbing.

With practice, we relax as an openness that is not dependent on conditions. As beginners, it is easier to relax as openness under certain conditions—such as during meditation, in beautiful natural surroundings, feeling the unconditional love of our children, or during fantastic sex with an adoring lover—but these are only portals into a depth that is always here, that is our true nature, regardless of conditions. We might realize this depth and enjoy its bliss in moments of grace or when conditions are just right, but then we can practice realizing this depth over and over, when things are good or bad.

The story of Jesus says that his heart was wide open in love even while being crucified. Tibetan monks in prison and Jews in concentration camps have reported deep compassion and spiritual openness while enduring the most excruciating tortures. One measure of your depth of spiritual practice is this: Throughout what range of conditions do you remain aware of and relaxed as the openness of your deepest being?

Liberate Your Attention into Depth

True spiritual depth, true divine freedom, requires practicing the recognition of your deepest nature in every moment, while being pleasurized or tormented. Feel through every condition and merge with divine openness—your true nature, the true nature of everyone and everything—over and over, until conditions no longer keep you distracted into the shallow events of life, which are always changing.

This is a very different kind of merger than that of an infant or an athlete. It is not dependent on a breast full of milk or a sunny day. As divine openness, you are alive as what is already blissful, right here and right now, without needing to change anything. But you can forget this depth by habitually locking on to the shallow changes that catch your attention: bowel movements and taxes, deadlines and bedtimes, fantasies, thoughts, hopes, and fears.

Your attention is absorbed in things that change, and thus your deep bliss remains undiscovered. You won’t sink into this depth of openness until you are ready. As long as the pleasure you get from money, TV, work, family, or sex is greater than the pleasure you have gotten so far from relaxing as the inherent openness of being, then you will continue attending to the more superficial aspects of life rather than the deep.

But shallow pleasures lose their charm. Eventually—as you earn and forfeit money, care for and lose family, come and go sexually—you may suffer the changes of life enough to loosen your attention. You may “fall through” conditions into the eternal freedom of being. Then, free as the openness of deep bliss, it will be as if nothing has ever happened at all, even in the midst of a life full of happening.

For Her

Your Body Wants to Be Filled with Love

Divinity schminity. If you don’t feel love deep in your heart and body, who cares if you are living a devout spiritual life or debasing yourself, eating chocolate with a lover wrapped in furs? The feminine gravitates toward whatever feels like love, whether it is ultimately healthy or not. An abusive man who passionately ravishes you into multiple orgasms and buys you diamonds and gold can be more attractive than a caring and supportive man who ejaculates prematurely, hates giving oral sex, and is stingy with his money.

The divine doesn’t mean anything to you unless you feel it in your body. If you don’t, then you will substitute sex, food, shopping, and other sensual pleasures for the divine. You will cravenly fill yourself with emotions, flavors, and textures if you are not already full of love. What do you turn to when you feel empty inside? Coffee and conversation, or the bliss of divine love?

The masculine is attracted to the freedom beyond experience, but the feminine is filled by love transmitted through relationship. Sexual “nothingness” is hardly attractive to most women, though men seek it every day through orgasmic release. Likewise, experiencing the spaciousness of divine freedom doesn’t pique a woman’s interest as much as feeling divine force passionately enter her heart and ripple through her body like waves of intense love more pleasurable than any orgasm she’s ever had.

You especially enjoy love in embrace with a man who loves you, or with friends and family. Relational love, the ecstasy of communion, is the genius of the feminine. Relational blessing is the domain of the feminine divine. The joy of family, the colorful web of life on earth, the circle of friends and community—the feminine divine is most strongly expressed through the body in relationship.

The Emptiness of Divine Lack

If a woman cannot feel the divine in her body, then her relationships become searches for fulfillment rather than celebrations of love. She attempts to be satisfied by filling her life with family joys rather than by opening as divine bliss. She settles for the sights and sounds of a walk by the lake rather than receiving the ravishing force of divine energy deep into her body. She devotes her time to community and friends rather than swooning in the divine love that swells as all bodies.

Devoid of a deep heart-connection to the divine, her natural feminine energy may begin to dry up even if she is surrounded by friends and family. Disconnected from the deep source of joy and love she yearns for, her body may begin to wither. Her genitals or breasts are often the first areas to suffer the lack of deeply sourced feminine energy, showing signs of discomfort or disease.

Eventually, she may collapse into a sense of emptiness and bodily vacancy that not even her family—let alone a double cappuccino and chocolate truffle—can fill. Chronically depressed and weary, she may seek to simulate a sense of devotional surrender by opening herself to abuse or self-abuse rather than to divine love.

The Blessing Force of Divine Fullness

When you are filled with divine love—when your body is overflowing with abundant light and bliss—then your family, your community, and the earth are all recipients of your blessing force. Your body communicates power, relaxation, and joy. Your vagina knows pleasure. Your face shines devotion. Your limbs move with the grace of certain love.

Sexually, your body relaxes in the full range of divine expressions, including all forms of life in heaven and on earth. You can be an angel, smiling serenely between the sheets. You can be a tiger, pouncing on your man and clawing him into submission. You can be a child, cuddling in innocence. You can be a demoness, tearing your man apart. You can be a whore, making him beg for more. You can be a sorceress, sucking the energy out of his gut with a few choice words or gestures. You can be a goddess, revealing more love to your man than he has ever known before.

When you open to the divine, your body opens. Your energy flows with fullness, pleasure, and strength, including your sexual energy, whether you are celibate or sexually active, married or single. Your energetic flow is made as large as the power in your heart.

The Problem with Spiritual Men

Most men tend to withdraw energy from their body and their sexuality, as they become more spiritually oriented. Therefore, in general, as you and your man grow spiritually, you may become more sexually powerful as your man becomes less sexually energetic. It doesn’t have to be this way, but this is how it often turns out.

Since a woman’s heart and genitals are directly connected, when her heart opens, her entire body flows with love-energy, including her genitals. Her sexuality is full of genuine love and care. Because a man’s heart and genitals are often disconnected, his heart may be wide open and yet his body may remain limp and empty, or simply lusty without any emotional connection to his lover. His genitals may still “have a mind of their own” unless he has practiced sufficiently to connect them with his open heart.

When a woman grows spiritually, love-energy fills her body naturally. In fact, she can grow spiritually by consciously practicing to receive love-energy into every part of her body, so that her body opens, relaxes, and flows powerfully as an expression of deep love-energy. Most men find it more convenient to ignore their body’s energy—as well as their family’s, their community’s, and the earth’s.

The spiritual doorway for most men is through their mind. For most women it is through their body, which is perhaps why relatively few spiritual texts have been penned throughout history by women. Spiritual texts are often a primary means to carry men’s attention to the bliss of the divine, but women are more often transported via the revelation of love-bliss through the openness of their body, via means such as dance, touch, sexuality, childbirth, and communion with nature.

The feminine naturally orients toward the flow of fullness or love; the masculine toward release or freedom. Spiritual growth is lopsided unless it enlightens our capacity for bodily love as well as our ability to let go of our body in freedom. Neither aspect of divinity—neither love nor freedom, life nor death, the energy of the body nor the space of awareness—can be ignored for long without serious imbalances occurring.

Sacred Sexuality Requires both Masculine and Feminine

In recent history, men and masculine versions of divinity—God “up and out”—have taught us much about spiritual life. A new cycle seems to be emerging, during which we will learn much from women and feminine versions of the sacred grounded in the fullest divinization of the body, family, community, earth, and sex.

Meanwhile, we can’t throw out the masculine; that would make us as lopsided as we have become by ignoring the feminine. Sacred sex, for instance, is as much about deep pleasure as it is about death or letting go. It involves massive flows of bodily energy and relational love as well as feeling through the energy and yielding as a timeless openness in which the body is transparent.

Since their hearts and genitals are more likely to be connected, women are more naturally inclined to grow sexually than are men. Women are more at home in the realm of pleasure, energy, emotion, and relationship. But without the masculine penetration of consciousness, feminine sex can tend to emphasize sensual pleasure and emotional connection only, without depth to the point of vanishment in the openness of love’s bliss.

Are You Sexually Open to Divine Love?

These days, some women have become as disembodied as the average man, lost in a world of projects, plans, goals, thoughts, and schedules—one-pointed, rigid, and relatively pleasureless. For these women, finding the divine starts with finding their body, feeling their breath, freeing their emotions, and allowing themselves to be wracked with unbearable pleasure. Dance, massage, and yoga are a few of the ways to start this process.

Sex is sometimes the last place you are willing to practice receiving the divine in all your parts. You may allow yourself to dance full of sweaty ecstasy. You may welcome your children to fill you with abundant joy. You may invite your friends to be a constant source of love and support. Yet, in bed with your man, you suddenly become aware of your limitations—and of his. Sex is usually where you can feel your energetic knots most clearly: Which parts of your body are open or resistant to orgasmic pleasure? Sex is where you can feel how full or empty of love you are: When your lover rejects you in some way, does your heart remain open in hurt or do you shut it down?

Sex is often the place you most desire and resist the infiltration of divine love. Until you are ready, you will give priority to all kinds of needs rather than your deep desire to live as a body of love. You probably put much more energy into learning to communicate with your man than into learning to breathe love’s bliss through your vagina. You probably are more concerned about whether your man desires you than whether you are surrendering your body open as the fullness of divine love-radiance.

You are probably much more attached to your lover, friends, and family as sources of comforting love than you are devoted to living with them as the force of love—that is, until a crisis occurs in your heart. Your man may leave you, your children may turn from you or perish, or you may simply realize that you want to give and receive more love than your body and emotions presently allow: your sexual energy is blocked, your bad moods collapse the household, you snap at your children because your deep heart is frustrated. Or, maybe no specific crisis happens in your external life, but due to the inexorable force of deep yearning, you find yourself wanting to devote more time to surrendering your heart and body open in the flow of deep love.

There are plenty of ways to do it, from Buddhism to Christianity, from gardening to dancing, from meditation to raising a family. However you choose to practice opening, do not ignore your sexuality. It can be a key to incarnating love-energy throughout your body, and therefore can serve your capacity to flourish spiritually while blessing others with your heart-force of radiance and love.

Finding God through Sex by David Deida

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