Intimate relationship is never the priority in a masculine man's life and always the priority in a feminine woman's life. If a man has a masculine sexual essence, then his priority is his mission, his direction toward greater release, freedom, and consciousness. If a woman has a feminine sexual essence, then her priority is the flow of love in her life, including her relationship with a man whom she can totally trust, in body, emotion, mind, and spirit. Man and woman must support each other in their priorities if the relationship is going to serve them both.

Although you and your woman are equal beings, you are very different creatures. If she has a feminine sexual essence, her core will be fulfilled when love is flowing. For example, she can experience difficulties in her career, but if full love is flowing in her life--with her children, friends, and with you--then her core will be fulfilled.

Not so for you. If you have a masculine sexual essence, then your woman and children can be loving you all day and night, but if your career or mission is obstructed, you will not feel at ease. You won't even want to share much intimate time with your woman until you have your career or mission back on track.

Your woman's core is fulfilled by love. Your core is released from stress by aligning your life with your mission. To you, intimacy is something to be enjoyed in addition to your purpose. To your woman, intimacy is at the core of her life, and the tone of your intimacy colors everything else she does.

When your intimacy is going great, your woman's life is filled with the color of love. She feels good at work, at home, in bed. When the intimacy is not going so great, when your woman feels unloved, rejected, hurt, or abandoned by you, then her day will be colored by hurt. At work, at home, and in the bed, the pain of unlove will color her disposition.

But, for you, things are different. When your intimacy is going bad, you can't wait to leave the house and go to work; there, you can be in your element, aligned with your purpose, and happy. For you, the intimacy is just one aspect of your life. When you are absorbed in your mission, you often forget entirely about your intimacy. For your woman, the intimacy is at the core of her life and colors everything else she does. This is the primary asymmetry in intimacy.

It goes much farther than this, though. For most men, their woman is replaceable. Harsh, but true. If you are like most men, you know, deep down, that if you were to lose your present woman, you would deeply grieve, but you could eventually find another. Many times, in fact, you have probably fantasized about finding another woman even before you lose the one you have. Because a man's priority is his mission, he will always gravitate to a woman whom he feels would most support his mission. If he feels another woman would enliven him and give him more energy for his work, he might desire her as an intimate partner.

However, you are lodged in the heart of your woman. She feels you all day. She senses where you are at. Feeling-threads from her heart are connected to your heart, day and night. You are not replaceable in her perception. She does not frequently consider other options, as you probably do. Whereas you live in a world of relational possibility, she lives in a world of relational actuality. Your relationship with her is not only at the core of her life, but is also the main determinant of her mood.

If your woman has rejected her own feminine core, then she will struggle against her inherent heart-connection with you. She will try to identify with her masculine side, attempting to de-prioritize you and your relationship. She will think that she must "live her own life" and put more energy into her own career, for instance. While it is obviously healthy for every man and woman to learn to become whole and independent, it is self-destructive for your woman to try to lessen the import of your relationship in her life. If she has a feminine sexual essence, the desire for the flow of love is at her core, no matter how dedicated she is to her career or other activities.

Without a deep and loving intimacy--with you or with the divine--she hurts. It will never work for her to try to quell the pain by absorbing herself in her career, her art, or her friends. If she has a feminine essence, she must honor herself by owning her deep desire for the flow of love in her heart, just as a person with a masculine essence must honor his or her direction in order to be truly happy. Our culture has become so anti-feminine that many women are trying to deny their feminine core desires and adopt the masculine way of dedication to mission. By denying their feminine essence, such women are predisposing themselves to emptiness of heart, depression, and bodily symptoms of disease.

Likewise, you must not deny your woman's feminine essence by feeling or saying to her, "Your whole life seems to revolve around our relationship! That's not healthy. You should have your own life, your own direction, your own career and friends. Stop complaining about our intimate problems and get a life!"

While it is common sense that she should live a fulfilling and engaging life outside of your relationship, it is sexual wisdom to understand that her feminine essence will always hold the flow of love at its center. That's just the way it is. This flow of love could be in direct relationship with the divine, although it is usually in relationship with a man.

The desire for intimate loving is as central to your woman's life as the mission toward freedom--financial, psychological, and spiritual--is to yours. Think of how many hours a day you dedicate to your mission and compare that with how many hours a day you spend serving your woman's deep desire for the magnification of love. If you want her to honor and support you in your quest for freedom, you must honor and support her in her love of loving. Her devotion to love has a lot to teach you.

Some men feel guilty for not being as "into" the relationship as their woman is. You must understand that this is natural. If you have a masculine essence and your woman has a feminine essence, you will never be as concerned, distraught, or elated about your intimacy as your woman is. Don't fake it. Don't try to act concerned for the sake of your woman. She can feel where you are really at. Instead, be authentic to your core desires, and dedicate your life, with utter impeccability, to your highest goals.

If one of your highest goals is psychological or spiritual freedom, then you will highly value your intimacy. Nobody will press your buttons or reflect your asshole to you better than your woman. She will point out your weaknesses better than a boot camp drill sergeant. She will reflect your ambiguity or clarity better than any workshop teacher. She will do you better than a whore and give you more loving than you can handle. And all the while she will shower your life with radiant blessing, healing, and enlivenment--if she learns to own her true feminine desires and you learn to own your true masculine desires.

When you both honor the primary asymmetry in intimacy, you can each concentrate on your true desires rather than compromising for the sake of an imaginary truce between genders. When your life is truly aligned with your highest purpose, you will become more present, more loving, and more humorous. Your woman will then be the first recipient of your magnified presence, love, and humor. If your intimacy is not constantly growing in this way, your life is not aligned with your highest purpose.

Likewise, if your woman devotes herself to her true heart desires, you will feel it. Her energy, radiance, wisdom, and power to create heaven on earth will feed you constantly--even when it is not directed toward you. You will be inspired by her magic, enchanted by her sexuality, awed by her knowingness, and enlivened by the life that flows so lovingly through her body. However, if she has chosen to deny her heart desire and adopt more masculine goals of purpose and mission as her core needs, both of you will suffer. Her radiance will diminish, her guardedness will increase, and neither of your hearts will feel relaxed in the intimacy.

Your woman could be a corporate executive and you could be a househusband. That's fine, as long as you are living your highest purpose and her life is devoted to love. Honor this primary asymmetry, in yourself and in your woman. Only when you are willing to support each other's core desires will the intimacy give each of you what you want, and then perhaps bring you beyond even that, into the utter joy of being, of which your relationship is only a hope.